Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
