I faked an abortion last night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
