"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
