I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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