Cold hands, warm shart.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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