i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
