she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
