She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
