omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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