Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
