Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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