I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
