Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
