Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
