i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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