So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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