I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
