his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
