Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
