I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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