I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
