It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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