He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
