As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
