Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
