Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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