my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
