He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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