I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
