I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
