guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
