What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
