the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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