i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When are your genitals available?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
