when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
