You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
