Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
