I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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