Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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