Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
