I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
