considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
