i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
