people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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