I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
