haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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