Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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