if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
