those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
