he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
