Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
