I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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