I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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